Tieryan Call Actually IS A Dreven Bastard

Dreven Populace Unimpressed as Numbers of Alleged Dreven Offspring Increase to 46

Tieryan Call, reputed mercenary best known for rugged good looks and for saying "I'll be Dreven's bastard", has recently learned that he is in fact a Dreven bastard. This news comes as part and parcel of the unprecedented number of claims to the now vacant Dreven throne that have literally besieged the office of the Magistrate. In the face of the deluge, the Magistrate has authored a new book entitled, "The Fruitful Loins of Cornelius Dreven." The candidates, besides being numerous, come from all walks of life and (at this point, and do remember, dear readers, that the accounting is an ongoing process) include no less than fourteen Dwarves, an elf, two gnolls and the least credible of the claims so far: a woman from the north of Dreven who claims that her poodle was a Dreven bastard in a previous life. It is rumored that the Magistrate's book also includes several sections giving insight into the famous Emperor's love life. These chapters are provided by Emperor Cornelius' faithful valet. The valet has asked to remain anonymous. Projected sales are high, and the book is due to be released to the public on the first of Gentrain.

There is some speculation that Cornelius Dreven's virility may in fact have rivalled that of Baron Streylan. Streylan's office, when asked for a comment, responded: "That's ridiculous. Does Dreven have two sets of twins? I didn't think so."

The local Druid states that the next tendays hold scattered showers and thunderstorms, with only a few dry hours in between. Don't look at me, blame the Birds from Cloosidian, with all their nerve racking chattering, who else would send us winds from the West? With winter finally leaving, and the last of the snow and ice melted away there is so much sludge and mud in its wake your boots will be ruined for sure. Oh, do point at Balthazor for this, they love to send their dark clouds over our sunny city. If our city drowns in a flood, which it may if the River keeps rising like this, may I gentle remind you, the Oceanuus Ambassador just arrived in the City. Don't blame me for your wet socks!

New Vacation Hot Spot

Xieng Khouang, Southern Oceanuus - Stevie and Marty Feldbein of Luminii, renowned vintners and owners of the fabulous Feldbein Winery and Vineyards, have embarked on a new venture in the islands. Shortly after the war between the Pirates and the Mer -- details of which remain obscure to this day -- the Feldbeins purchased the region lock, stock and fish barrel from the victors. In short order (and with the extensive employment of geomancy) the islands have been converted into the luxury getaway dream-come-true. Cruise ships regularly ply the waters between the mainland's southern coast and the islands, while the hotels and casinos offer entertainment for a wide variety of tastes. Recreation includes gambling, authentic luaus, canoe racing, face painting and body tattooing, horseback riding along the many sandy beaches, snorkeling, Seleventi free-flying, and many other exciting options. Nightly concerts in the main square currently alternate between Barry Manilow and Don Ho.

Keldon Baraeros, Archon of Luminii and very close personal friend of the twins, is a frequent guest at the resorts and has this to say: "See your travel agent now and experience the vacation of a lifetime!"

Undead Refugees

The swift takeover of Balthazor by the Sisterhood of the Traveling Boot has sent Undead (and all their close relatives) fleeing the region. Cloosidian and Arboria proving inhospitable, and Thermadorian pyromancers standing at the ready to barbecue, the unfortunate refugees have fled to Northern Oceanuus where the Mer Royals have granted them asylum. The Mer have welcomed the exiles as day-labor and many have enlisted in that region's military forces. One of the zombies interviewed broke down in tears. "They have been so kind, so generous with us! We feel like we are truly home!"

The Undead Relief Society hosts informal socials for the new arrivals once a tenday as well as hosting bingo night and raffles to benefit the homeless. Scores of Mer families have opened their homes and their hearts to these poor unfortunates. In these troubled times it is heart-warming to see that, like a good neighbor, the StateMer are there...

Exotic Imports

It would be a rare cycle when the infamous Crosswinds Tavern didn't generate something worthy of mention. Latest word has it that one of the employees there, known only as "Leo," makes frequent trips through the notorious portal. He has lately stocked the tavern with a crate full of strangely pliable containers labeled "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."

Notorious Phantom Lover of Dreven Revealed

After several cycles of titillating gossip and rumor, the Phantom Lover of Dreven finally has a face! The darling of titled and wealthy women throughout the city has been exposed! Noble husbands are demanding his arrest and banishment -- if not imprisonment -- while law enforcement officials try to deal with the tangle of dozens of charges of adultery. Incredibly, as news of indictments spreads, more and more women are stepping up to either offer themselves as character witnesses or confess to secret affairs with the man. Ladies Hortense Fothergill and Prudence Driscole were arrested when a fight broke out between the two of them on the very steps of the Magistrate's offices. Apparently both of them wanted to claim the honor of paying whatever fines had accrued against The Phantom.

The fugitive has been described as tall, muscular and outrageously handsome. If anyone has seen this man, please contact authorities at once! He is not known to be armed or physically dangerous, but he has evaded arrest! He has allegedly been seen in the company of Cait McGill, Angelique Sadani, Elenari Tuurchi, Lonya Heart, Adron Ta'al, and Nisi Brenshca. He was last seen riding out of town with Bliss N. Lovejoy of the Dreven Academy of Trades. Ms. Lovejoy is wanted for questioning.

Archmage Convention

Dreven, Shadokhan - The Archmages of the Seven Gifts recently gathered together to discuss and deal with the increasing problems with magic and the ley lines. While the Archmages claimed success at the end of the convention, controversy lingers in the aftermath.

Within days of the event, the Dreven Taxpayers Association came forward with claims that the Archmages had improperly used convention funds and had dodged attending important meetings and continuing education classes. Included in their report are claims that the Archmage of Cloosidian and the Archmagess of Luminii were spotted on the eighth hole of the Dreven Green, instead of at a crucial meeting. Renol Duvualt and Sherakai dan Rikash were sketched coming out of Deanna's House of Dancing Harlots later in the evening. When asked for a comment later, both men claimed to have been there doing important 'research' into the problems in Dreven.

Reports have also surfaced that Asa, the proprietor of the Crosswinds Tavern, has filed a claim with the Magistrate which accuses the Archmage of Arboria, Tequin Shaldolf-Sundew, of stealing towels and dozens of small bottles of serky from the honor bar in his room. As of press time, we have been unable to confirm this report. We were able to confirm, however, that the Archmage Lucair of Thermador was asked to leave the facility for smoking in a non-smoking area. Surprisingly, Asa declined to file a claim against Irmaa Vep, however, in spite of the fact that she allegedly murdered a patron in cold blood. "Well, it was just one this time," he said afterwards. "That was pretty restrained for her."

When asked for a comment on these matters, the Magistrate indicated that all were allegations at this point. "But if they are proven to be true," he said, "the severity of the incidents may rival the infamous Klock Captain gathering."

The Klock Captains convention, a few years ago, came to an ignominious end when the Captains were reported to local authorities for throwing their room furniture out the window and into the Crosswinds Tavern pool. A subsequent search of their rooms revealed Glee paraphernalia and several women of questionable repute. All charges were eventually dropped, though pictures of a scantily-clad Raphael Dolek and another unidentified woman continued to circulate through Dreven for some time.

SMK Rally

The Silver Moon Knights of Dreven announce their first annual Jamboree, to be held on the Fourth of Sunshare. Join us for workshops and lectures, and a 50/50 raffle. Buffet lunch included.

New Hours

The Animancer Rescue League of Dreven is pleased to announce they will now be open on Drake Day for adoptions. Please remember: Keep the animancer population under control by keeping your animancer spayed or neutered. Thank you!

BWC News

The Black Wolf Company announces its spring schedule for the Annual Bandit Bash tour. Seating on the wagons is limited to first come, first served. There are no reservations, so be sure to arrive early in the day! For a small extra fee you can purchase your own Bandit to chase. Please bring your own warhammers and daggers. Serky and red cow jerk are included in the price. Contact BWC Weaponsmaster Adron Ta'al for more information.

Arts and Entertainment

"Political Coup" rocks Shadokhan! The new heavy string band brought audiences to their feet during their recent concert at the Dreven Theater. Their psychedelic tunes and foot-tapping rhythms are hard to resist -- combine that with their theatrically painted faces and a flair for drama, and you've got a show that's a real must-see!

Legal Action,
Weather or Not

Vaille, Shadokhan -- A woman from Vaille is suing the local Weather Druid for 500 gold imperials after he predicted a sunny day and it rained. Because of his favorable forecast, she left her home lightly dressed. Consequently, she caught a severe cold, missed 4 days of work, spent 14 silver regals on herbal medication and suffered undue stress.

Side-affectmancy

Cloosidian -- Seleventi partaking in the dubious pleasures of a new drug called "Flash Dance" fall victim to side affects that include violent shedding, unsightly gooseflesh and development of a stutter. Efforts to reverse the affects have so far proven unsuccessful. The victims are unfortunately hard to miss and the numbers have provoked much speculation about the Seleventi government.

Letter From the Editor:

Dear Friends, Relatives, Acquaintances and Others,

It is with an outpouring of sheer, unadulterated delight that I take this opportunity to convey my greetings, salutations, well wishes and...

the most glorious news this side of the Skall Mountains: At long last I have found true love. Indeed, my dearly beloved and I are pleased to be able to announce our long-awaited engagement. A moment, please! Allow me to indulge in a moment of unmitigated devotion.

My love is like a white, white rose
So pale and O, so fair!
O my love is like a parody
No lesser man can bear
As fair art thou, my eldritch lass,
So deep in love am I
And I will love thee still, my dear,
Cuz I am quite a guy.

And who, you might ask, is the generous, adorable, oh-so-engaging woman who has accepted my sincere proposal? It is Her Grace Irmaa Vep who has answered this man's wildest dreams and agreed to become Mrs. Phuul.

The nuptials will take place in early summer, and I expect it will be quite a grand occasion. As the reception will take place in the lovely city of Malcoven, Balthazor, your generous good wishes, gifts and coin can be left in the care of Asa at the Crosswinds Tavern outside of Dreven City.

Yours in mischief and passion,

~Mautley Phuul